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Posts Tagged ‘unlucky’

Sometimes there’s things that come to you so easily, to the point where there is no explanation other than luck. Other times there are things that can only be achieved with countless effort. Then there are those times where even endless effort brings no fruit.

I think that’s the biggest pain of all; when all of your effort, concern, and care are not enough. I think we as humans are, more or less, influenced by our experiences as well as those we witness. While seeing success after success, and success despite hardship, can be extremely motivating, seeing countless failures can also bring some discouragement. I find that this theory of influence falls quite relevant in the world of love and emotion.

I once witnessed a friend who, despite countless efforts of concern, and having conditions in his favor, failed to move the girl. Surprised was what came to my mind. I was amazed at the amount of concern and care he had for her, and I was pretty sure no other guy had done better. Yet she ended up being interested in me. However she didn’t realize that I was not the one to betray a friend; despite my distance and effort to help my friend, he never did succeed in winning her heart. She was just as tough as he was; neither would give up on their emotions. Some time passed and I leaned towards being interested in someone else. Ironically, she was as hard for me to read as for my friend to read the other girl. I didn’t know whether or not she was interested in me, or whether it was one of those games girls play, but I decided that I did not want risk the possibility of wander down my friend’s path, so I ended up choosing to let fate decide the course.

The irony in this was the general circle of events. My best friend had someone who had feelings for him, who he refused to turn back to, and was interested in this girl who was interested in someone else, and too refused to turn back. With me at the end, I too refused to turn back, and wondered if I kept on pursuing this girl, would I find that she was interested in me, or whether it was yet another continuation of this discouraging yet persistent cycle. As my best friend and I were talking, I began to think what if those who didn’t achieve what they wanted turned back and considered the feelings that were given to them. Less people would be hurt right? After all I did think the same thing; that if she had just stopped and looked back, she would realize how much my friend cared for her. Then I realized that she could make the same argument. If I had accepted her feelings, then there wouldn’t be a problem. But I knew for a fact that I would not do so, even though I wasn’t interested in anyone at the moment.  We were all the same, stubborn. Since no one was taken, there was no reason to give up. In my case, I knew I favored working hard for things that seemed unachievable, and in the world of emotions, I was no different.

This all made me think even more, about how sometimes life gives you things you don’t need so easily, the very same things that others toil for and never achieve, yet the very things you desire are at a seemingly impossible distance. I was troubled for a long time; this person who had feelings for me, I did not want them, yet instead desired those of someone else. I was angry at the fact that I had what I did not need, something someone else wanted, effortlessly, and yet what i desired came easily to others. They say that one man’s junk is another’s treasure. And so I found myself wishing there were some kind of way where we could trade what we had no use for, like how things are ebay and craigslist. But emotions are not things. They are untradeable, and only hold value to those who desire it.

You can say that I tend to hold on to unrealistic desires and dreams. I’ve considered what if  just gave up on those dreams and desires? I would live easier wouldn’t I? But I would still be left with a feeling of unsatisfaction. It seems that giving them up is even harder than living without them attained.

So in the end, we shouldn’t be sad that what comes to us are things we don’t need or that what doesn’t come to us are what we do need. We should just learn to live with our stubbornness or put our efforts in ending those desires.

I guess I can be forever labeled the stubborn type. Unrealistic dreams keep me happy, hopeful, and keep me going, so I continue to pursue them.

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